I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
