my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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