i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
