So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
