I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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