You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
