So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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