my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
