New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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