If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
