Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
