I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
