I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
