Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
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