Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
