why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
