I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
