no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
