I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
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A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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