I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I touched a dick in church today
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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