Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
