i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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