Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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