He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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