Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
