seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
