I hope mine doesn't look like that
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
