omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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