I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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