I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
