By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
