I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
