just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
