Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize