I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
