He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
