Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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