I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
