Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
