i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
