Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
