You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
