Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
