Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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