at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
