I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
