Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need moral support for this bender
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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