Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
