I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
