i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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