Buhtt sex?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
