Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I came so hard my ears popped.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
