Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
