ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
