hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
