I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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