Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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