This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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