how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
