You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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