My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
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I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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