dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
