I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
