I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
