omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
