woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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