I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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