Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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