What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
