My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
