come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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