so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
