its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
