Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
