I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
